Esther Barnes
English Theme
April 26, 1933
Narration
I’m sure we’ve all heard of the absent-minded professor who poured syrup on his head and scratched his waffle. Archibald Smith was just that type of a man. He was always forgetting himself, where he was, what he was doing and why.
It finally happened—his proposal to Flo Jones. He was so absent-minded he forgot himself so completely that he really proposed. Whether it was absentmindedness or surprise that caused Flo to accept, is still, and always will be, a mystery.
They decided to drive to Ozark for the ceremony. It seemed to be quite the conventional thing to do. Everybody was being married at Ozark.
Upon their arrival in the town they had no difficulty in locating a minister, a Reverend Brown.
Archibald absently knocked on the door. When it was opened by the minister himself, he managed to say, “Will you marry me?”
This was rather surprising to the Reverend as it was his first proposal, but he understood what was meant. “Why certainly, certainly, come right in.”
Of course the couple had forgotten the necessary witnesses, but they managed quite well with Mrs. Brown and her daughter.
The minister started, “We are gathered here to witness the joining of this man and woman in the holy bonds of matrimony. Do you have the ring, please?”
Quite naturally, Archie had forgotten in which pocket he had put it and when he did find it he managed to drop it. Finally, he handed it to to Mr. Brown.
“This band of gold is the symbol of never-ending love. Will you please join hands.” He turned to Archie, “Do you, Archibald Smith, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love and cherish in sickness and in health?”
Flo had to punch Archie before he stuttered, “I d-do.”
The minister turned to Flo, “Do you, Flo Jones, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love, honor and obey?” Flo, indignant over the obey, asked, “Do you think I ‘m crazy?”
Archibald, much to his chagrin, unconsciously muttered a second “I do.”
Teacher’s comment: Ex